


Limits

by helens78



Category: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Genre: M/M, Prior Noncon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-04-20
Updated: 2003-04-20
Packaged: 2017-10-05 11:33:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helens78/pseuds/helens78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bail and Obi-Wan are forced to work together on an assignment.  Bail watches Obi-Wan use Force suggestion on a photojournalist, and a number of memories come flooding back to the surface.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Limits

**Author's Note:**

> **A note on story content:** This story contains detailed description of a prior nonconsensual event for one of the characters, as well as a strong argument for why it's not okay to use the Jedi mind-trick, comparing it unfavorably to rape. In other words, content may be disturbing to some readers.

Ben is so beautiful when he's sleeping. He seems so at peace with me, here, and for a few moments before dawn breaks, I can look at him and believe what his body is telling me. That he wants to be here. That he's content to be with me, just with me, without either of us feeling pressured to prove something to the other. That his guard is down, and he's not playing games with me.

I treasure these moments. But then he'll stir as I'm watching him, and I realize that my hands ache to touch him and I crave the taste of him. So I choose a place to touch him, or kiss him, and I stroke him into wakefulness, usually while I watch his eyes. First he'll blink a few times, and then he'll squint at me, smiling. I don't think he knows how wide his smile for me is in the morning. He always knows where he is when he wakes up now, and that smile is like a gift from the gods, telling me I made the right choice bringing this man into my life. Into my bed.

This morning he's on his side, facing me, so I bring him awake with soft little touches up and down the side of his body. He smiles before his eyes open, and when he finally does look at me, he's beaming. "Morning," he mumbles, voice thick with sleep.

"Good morning," I tell him. I lean over to kiss him, and he lets me lead, lets me set the pace. I'm gentle with him, even teasing him, until he moans under my lips and his arms come up to hold me. I pull away.

His smile is charmingly content. "I really like it when you kiss me that way," he murmurs.

"I really like kissing you that way."

He pulls me down for another long, sweet, slow kiss. I press my body into his and feel myself getting hard. Ben, of course, is already hard. I'm beginning to think Ben is _always_ hard. I reach down and wrap a hand around his cock, but he pulls my hand away, just kissing me. I melt a little. I'm not used to Ben prolonging the kissing when I've offered him something more, and I like it. He notices the soft noises I'm making, and just keeps kissing me until I'm short of breath.

"I want to please you this morning," he whispers, nuzzling against my cheek, my neck, my shoulder. "Will you show me what you like when I go down on you? The way you did when I was touching you the other night?"

"I don't know if I can think straight enough to tell you when your mouth is on me," I admit, smiling. "But I can try."

Ben has always been very quick about oral sex, so the first thing I have to tell him to do is slow down. My voice is a little rough as he takes me into his mouth. "Not yet," I manage, and he comes back up. "I... do you like the way I taste?" I ask. I hope he can't see the way I'm blushing, almost trembling from being this explicit about it. This is the first time in years I've been so open about what I want. Of course, it's the first time I've been asked since then, too. "Taste me," I tell him, voice much firmer. I'm not the tentative young prince I was five years ago. I can do this.

Ben hums a little with pleasure, and he licks one long, slow stroke up the length of my cock, using the flat of his tongue to cover as much skin as he can. It makes me shudder, hard, and thrust my hips up against him. He does it again... and again... until I'm nearly out of my mind with pleasure. His tongue paints slow swirls on me, getting me thoroughly wet and leaving slow, flicking strokes over the more sensitive part just under the head of my cock. It feels delicious.

Finally, I lift up on my elbows and pant, "Now... take me in your mouth now..."

He does, and I nearly scream in ecstasy. The room is so cool, the air gliding over the wet streaks from his licking was enough to make me shiver at times, so that now the warmth of his mouth surrounding me feels much more intense. I start to sink into the pillows, only to come back up when his head starts bobbing up and down. I touch his face, gently, and he looks up at me. "Slow down," I gasp. "Keep using your tongue on me. Don't just... don't just _fuck_ me with your mouth. Go slow, like you do when you're kissing me."

He does, and it's exquisite. His pace stays slow and steady, and his tongue, oh, gods, it's amazing. I'm a writhing pile of need after a few minutes of it, and my orgasm is just out of reach. He backs off when I shudder in a way which usually signals him that I'm about to come. After the shudder passes, he licks me again, bringing me right back to the edge. He keeps doing this, keeps me on the edge, until I reach forward for his head and thrust into his mouth, demanding release. He laughs a little, and the vibrations are wonderful -- I lose myself to bliss, and lie back on the pillow, gasping.

Ben crawls up the bed and rests his head on my shoulder. "How was that?" he asks.

"Grurrm," I reply.

Ben laughs. "Was that a word?"

I clear my throat. "You were fantastic," I tell him. He seems to be waiting for me to go on. My tongue feels thick in my mouth, and I don't know how I'm going to be able to wrap it around the words I want to give him. I offer him a smile. "Fantastic enough to make someone whose chosen career involves public speaking turn into an inarticulate mass of exhaustion and pleasure, if that means anything to you."

"It means plenty." He kisses me, and I can taste myself on him. I love being able to taste myself on him. I love having something I've shared with him and no one else.

Ben drops his face back to my shoulder. "Can I..." He takes my hand and puts it on his cock, which is still hard. "I want to be inside you."

I roll over, stretching as I go, humming a bit in anticipation. He kisses my cheek once I'm over on my stomach, but doesn't immediately move into position. I turn my head to look at him. "Want me in a different position this morning?" I ask. I like being turned over on my stomach like this, and I like it when he's slow and gentle, but I'm flexible. Well, not as flexible as he is; but I'm a senator, not a Jedi. I grin at him.

"No, I just..." He runs a hand through my hair and then tugs gently. "I've been imagining taking hold of you by your hair and fucking you really hard. Are you interested in that kind of sex?"

_Oh_. He's always been so gentle with me. I never knew if he thought something was missing, but we don't seem to have the _variety_ in our sex life that he's had in the clubs. Maybe this would be good for both of us. "With you?" I ask. "I could be." He's not going to hurt me unless I ask him to. I could be very interested in this. I turn my head so I can kiss the inside of his wrist. "You've spent a lot of time playing with my hair lately. I take it you approve of my growing it out?"

He leans forward and buries his face in my hair, inhaling deeply. "Force, yes," he murmurs.

"Just stay aware enough to stop if I ask you to," I caution him. He lets out a soft noise of surprise and kisses the top of my head. I grin and reach for a condom and some lube.

"You know, they do make self-lubricating condoms," Ben teases. "It's more efficient..."

"Efficiency and lovemaking don't go together for me," I tease back. "Fucking, maybe, but..."

He kisses my shoulder and gets me prepared. I hear him opening the packet, the soft sounds of lube slicking over his cock. I rise up on my hands and knees, and he gets into position behind me. He starts out holding onto my hips, and he fucks me harder than he's ever done before. It feels... very good, actually. I press back against him, getting into it, and tilt my head back.

Ben growls, sending a shiver up my spine, and his hands move from my hips to my hair. He makes fists, tugging, but doing it surprisingly gently. I press my ass into his thrusts and manage to pant out, "Harder, Ben. Please."

He pulls harder, fucks me harder, and the sting from his hands in my hair goes straight to my groin. I can't believe it -- this should hurt, and it does, but oh, dear gods, it's amazing. Ben eases off my hair, then pulls again, building a rhythm in time with the hard pounding of his thrusts into me. I lean back into his hands, trusting him.

"Is it good?" he pants. "Is this good for you?"

"Gods, yes!" I groan. I steady myself on one arm and move the other to my cock so I can stroke myself. Ben keeps going, and I encourage him to ride me harder, to pull harder, and finally to come for me, which he does, letting out a hoarse yell. I follow him a few seconds later, moaning. He lets me go and collapses next to me. I curl up on his chest, trying to catch my breath.

"Did you like it?" he asks.

"Yes," I tell him, smiling. I rub my head a bit. "I wouldn't want to do it that way every time, but it was... intense."

He wraps his arms around me and hugs me. "Good. I'd hate to think I was a bad fuck."

"You're a great fuck. And a decent lover," I tease him. He pulls away a bit, frowning at me. Blast -- I don't think he took that the way I intended it.

"What do you mean?" he asks.

I shift uncomfortably. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound insulting."

"No, it's all right." His expression is slightly strained. "I just wasn't aware there was a difference."

"Maybe there isn't, for you." The words come out harsher than I mean them. I meant to be gentle about it. I move out of his arms. "A lover is someone you care about. Someone who makes you happy whether you're fucking him or not. That's not something you can feel for me."

He cuts me off sharply. "No, fuck that. Stop telling me what I feel, Bail."

He said that the night we fought about his coming to me straight from Rising -- _Oh, fuck that. You can't really think I was just here to fuck you._ I hate hearing things like that. It gives me hope, and hope can be a torment. My chest tightens, and I look away.

"I'm sorry." He sits up and cups my face in his hands. "You do make me happy, whether we're fucking or talking or just sleeping next to each other. I wish..." He pauses. "I don't understand why you think I can't care about you. You're my first boyfriend, you know."

I can't help smiling at that. "That's sweet."

He rolls his eyes at me. "What about you? You've never told me. Have you had many lovers?"

I sigh and shake my head, pulling slightly out of his grasp. "No, not really. Not the way you mean it."

"Not the way I mean it?" he repeats.

"I've only had _sex_ with one of my lovers. Other than you."

He frowns. "You've only had sex with one other person...?"

Oh, this is complicated. "On Alderaan, most people who have lovers aren't fucking them," I explain. "Having a lover is based on emotions, not on sex. I'm... a fairly unusual Alderaani. Most Alderaani don't have sex until their marriages are arranged, and even then they don't usually have sex with their lovers." I grimace a bit. "We're encouraged to think of sex as distasteful, and to have sex solely for procreation."

I can see Ben is having difficulty making sense of this. "But then... what about you? You've never seemed to think sex was... distasteful."

I laugh. "No. Does anyone, when practice overtakes theory?"

"And when did practice overtake theory for you?"

"Ben, please. I don't want to..." A hurt look crosses his face, but it's gone so fast I wonder if I was imagining it. "It ended badly," I tell him, cupping his face in my hand. "I don't like to talk about it."

He turns his face into my hand and kisses my palm. "It's all right. You can talk about it when you're ready." He looks back up at me. "I'd still like to know how I fall short for you." He grins rakishly. "How do I go from being a decent lover to being a magnificent one?"

I return his grin. "A lot of practice?" I suggest, teasing.

He pulls me into his arms and kisses me again. "When can we start?" he teases back.

I push against him a bit, even though I want to stay here in bed with him. "Tonight?" I suggest. "If you don't have plans?"

"Tonight is good." He kisses me one last time and gets out of bed. I head for the fresher while he dresses. He comes in and kisses me on the shoulder before he leaves, even though I'm brushing my teeth. "See you soon."

I nod at him, grinning through the toothpaste, and he leaves.

+++

I have breakfast with my assistant, Larian, as I usually do on Sixthday mornings. She goes through my day's schedule with me, meetings with the staff at the senate office, and then gives me a sharp look. "There's a new meeting on your agenda."

"Oh?" I sip at my tea. "What, when, and where?"

"You and Senator Antilles will be joining Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his padawan for a meeting to discuss the proposal to establish a Caamas colony on Thonn. Late afternoon, around seventeenth hour." She's careful not to stress anything, but we both know what this means. Larian is the only person who knows about my relationship with Ben -- Jedi Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi. This will be the first time Senator Organa meets Padawan Kenobi, and I can only hope Ben will be subtle.

I have no idea what Senator Antilles would think of my having another relationship with a Jedi padawan. My affair with Aubris is relatively common knowledge among the more connected officials of Alderaan, but I have no reason to believe Senator Antilles holds that particular mistake against me. Since I arrived on Coruscant, he's been a mentor, a guide -- he's often shown more concern for me than my father has. He doesn't seem to share my father's opinion of me -- "spoiled, irresponsible libertine" was one of the kinder ways my father expressed it -- and I don't want him to start now. I think about calling Ben to warn him about the meeting, but his master will no doubt inform him sometime today, and if anything, he's been more careful about keeping our relationship discreet than I have.

It occurs to me that I'm beginning to trust Ben. The thought is unsettling at first. But he's spent the last several months earning my trust. It's time to let go a little. I can't keep Ben at arm's length forever. I don't _want_ to keep him at arm's length.

Still, I grow increasingly nervous as the day goes on. I've never seen Ben in his Jedi robes, and he's never seen me wearing my politician's face. He hates politics, and the Jedi make me uneasy. And all the same, I'm falling in love with him. If all this is real, that is. If I'm not imagining what we have, the way I did five years ago with... _damn it._ It's been years since Aubris has occupied this much of my thoughts. Why now, when I finally have someone who's a lover in mind _and_ body again? Is it because Aubris is the only man I've found who could be both until now? I don't exactly have much to compare Ben with. Just Aubris. And I'm tired of making that comparison, even unconsciously.

I take a deep breath. I want to trust Ben. I'll be damned if I'm going to let what Aubris did to me destroy my chances of loving someone again. Ben isn't Aubris. He's not going to do what Aubris did.

I have to trust him.

+++

Senator Antilles drops by my office at ten minutes 'til seventeenth hour, and asks if Larian has briefed me on the meeting this afternoon. I nod, and tell him I'm ready whenever he is. We head to the small meeting room between our offices, and I have to refrain from pacing across the floor. Senator Antilles gives me a gentle smile. "Relax," he tells me. "It's an informal meeting; the actual negotiations won't take place for another week or two."

"I'm fine, thank you, Senator," I tell him. I pause. "Have you worked with Master Jinn before?"

He nods. "A few times, and I've spent time with Master Jinn and Padawan Kenobi on several less formal occasions. Diplomatic receptions and the like." He looks at me, and his eyes soften just the slightest bit -- someone not as close to him as I am wouldn't even see it. "The reputation the Jedi have on Alderaan is largely undeserved," he says quietly. "I have nothing but respect for Master Jinn and his padawan. They're not like the Jedi you may have encountered in the past." His eyes stay on mine for a few moments, and I nod. He _does_ know about Aubris, then. And he's trying to reassure me that I don't need to be suspicious about Master Jinn or Ben -- Padawan Kenobi. Interesting.

The door opens, and Senator Antilles stands; I take my place beside him, and the Jedi enter the room.

_Gods._

Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn is more imposing than I'd imagined. He's impossibly tall, broad-shouldered, with a placid expression but an intimidating face. That nose has been broken at least once, and his eyes are entirely too observant. I can see why he's such a brilliant negotiator; I get the idea that he knows everything about everyone in this room already, just from one brief glance at each of us. I concentrate on remaining calm. He doesn't know _everything_. Does he? What might Ben have told him about me?

And Ben is -- Ben is amazing. I've seen him in and out of clubs, off his guard and in my bed, and the difference between all the faces I've seen on him before and the picture he presents now -- this is Jedi Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi. I've been able to ignore what he is for months, and now I can't. Now I don't want to. The Jedi are supposed to be the guardians of the Republic, and the man I'm looking at isn't a debauched youth who enjoys going out and fucking all night; he's an apprentice, a man who understands responsibility and purpose.

It's almost surreal seeing him in those cream tunics, in that brown robe. I knew this part of him existed under the eyeliner and the leather, but I had never come face-to-face with it. I want to peel those layers of fabric from him one at a time -- the robe first, and then kneel to unbuckle his boots, unbuckle his belt and remove his sash, pull the tabard from his shoulders and see the outer tunic hang free at his waist. I want to slide it off his arms, slip the undertunic off him, peel away his trousers and smalls and... Ben is not the reason I know so much about Jedi tunics.

Maybe Senator Antilles is right and Ben is what the Jedi are really like. I don't know. I don't know whether I'm falling for him more than ever, with this new insight into what he is, or whether I want him out of my life now, for good, before he can hurt me the way Aubris did.

_No._ Stop. I trust Ben. I trust Senator Antilles. Aubris was not representative of the Jedi, despite what my father has said. I have to believe that.

Senator Antilles makes the introductions. "Master Jinn, Padawan Kenobi, it's a pleasure to see the two of you again. This is our new junior senator, Prince Bail Organa. Bail, this is Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi."

I'm glad I've had years of practice in keeping my face and voice neutral under various trying circumstances. I give the formal bow that is Alderaan's custom, and the two Jedi return it. "I'm honored to make your acquaintance, gentlemen."

"The honor is ours, Prince Bail," says Master Jinn. His voice is low, cultured, and the accent isn't much different from Ben's -- so this is the man who's raised my lover for the last seven years. I wonder what it's been like, living with such an imposing figure of a man. Is he as intimidating as this in private, or has Ben grown used to him?

"It's a pleasure to see you again, Senator Antilles." Ben nods to him. "And I'm pleased to meet you, Prince Bail." His eyes flash a bit when his lips form the word _Prince_. He certainly doesn't look angry. Amused? Annoyed? I can't tell.

And he's pleased to meet me, is he? So he hasn't told his master about me?

I don't know if I like that or not. Do I mean so little to him? Or so much?

I can't think about that now. The meeting is starting; we take seats at the table, and Senator Antilles takes over. "I want to thank you for agreeing to help with the negotiations, Master Jinn. Even the Alderaani who are leery of accepting help from the Jedi are aware of your reputation. It will certainly make things easier."

Master Jinn grins a bit. "Flattery is unnecessary, Senator Antilles. I'm glad we were on planet and available to help. I was unaware that the Alderaani were ready to consider opening the southern continent to offworld colonization until you commed, and it could mean a great deal to the Republic."

"Yes -- until recently, most of the petitions for colonization have been turned down by the Viceroy before even making their way to my desk," Senator Antilles says. He turns to me. "This situation is different."

And that's my opening. "Most offworlders have been more interested in the uninhabited spaces on our western continents. But both those continents have a number of populated regions, and the inhabitants of those regions are not enthusiastic about sharing a continent with offworlders. The Caamas, however, have asked to colonize the southern continent -- Thonn -- which is only slightly more hospitable than Hoth, and is unsettled."

"A bit of geographical distance means a great deal when it comes to popular support," Senator Antilles explains. "As does Senator Organa's support for the colony."

"Could you tell us more about that?" Ben asks. "What are your reasons for supporting the Caamas colony, apart from their willingness to settle on Thonn?"

"I have a number of reasons," I tell him, and he looks interested, not simply polite and attentive. I always imagined if I told him about this sort of thing over dinner, his eyes would glaze over. Maybe Obi-Wan Kenobi is more interested in politics than my lover Ben is. Interesting. "To begin with, I'm in favor of ending the isolationist policies of the last few hundred years. While we still have a presence in the Republic, and we still have a healthy amount of interstellar trade, our interstellar exploration and exchange programs have been all but shut down since the end of the Great War. We have no extraplanetary colonies of our own. My constituents have shown a great deal of support for opening the doors to cultural exchange again. I believe this could be the perfect opportunity."

"Especially since the Caamasi are such a good match for the Alderaani," Master Jinn adds.

Ben nods. "Yes, Master -- Caamas is a planet known for its scholars and historians, and the Caamasi are a quiet, contemplative race. They're also pacifists, as are the Alderaani." Master Jinn nods, satisfied with Ben's appraisal of the Caamasi. Honestly, I'm impressed as well. Ben just gave a shorter version of what I told my father when I gave him my opinion of the proposed Caamas colony.

Of course, my father didn't ask me. Not directly, at least. He asked Senator Antilles for his opinion, and Senator Antilles asked me for mine. My father is hardly what I'd call open-minded, but even he can sense which way the wind is blowing. The fact that both Senator Antilles and I have been elected to office speaks volumes of how things have changed on Alderaan in the last twenty years. While Senator Antilles isn't as liberal as I am, he is more open-minded than the last four or five people who have held his office. This is the first colony that's been proposed since I took office, after running on a platform that included my strong opposition to letting Alderaan remain isolationist. I'm sure it must have irritated my father to no end that _I_ am the reason he couldn't simply turn down the petition, as he's done with petitions in the past and as my grandmother did before him.

"That's correct, Padawan Kenobi," Senator Antilles says, nodding. "If anyone is a good match for the Alderaani, the Caamasi are. As a result, both Senator Organa and I are strongly in support of the colony, and the negotiations should be fairly easy."

"My apprentice and I will do everything in our power to see that they are," Master Jinn says, another half-smile coming across his features, directed at Senator Antilles. Senator Antilles smiles back, and I take advantage of their momentary distraction to give a half-smile of my own to Ben. He holds my gaze, and a memory comes to mind -- Aubris, across a table much like this one, staring into my eyes as if we were alone in the room. My first impulse is to break that gaze and force Aubris out of my mind, but I stop myself.

I take a harder look at Ben. Even in his cream tunics, Ben looks nothing like Aubris did. Ben is shorter, more slender, where Aubris was tall and muscular and broad. Aubris was blond, pale, with eyes that were narrowed in intense focus most of the time; Ben's hair is a russet brown, and his eyes are open, his expression reserved. There's no resemblance. Ben is different. And I _do_ trust him. I can afford to trust him.

"...and it should only take a week or so to sort out all the relevant details," Senator Antilles is saying, drawing the meeting to a close. "Is there anything I've forgotten to cover?"

"No, I think that's all the information we need at the moment," Master Jinn says. "I've selected a padawan and a knight to help the Caamasi senators with their end of the negotiations. They should be meeting with them later this week, and the negotiations can begin as soon as next Secondday morning."

"Excellent," Senator Antilles enthuses. "Then I officially declare the formal portion of this meeting over and done with." We all stand, and Senator Antilles reaches across the table to clasp hands with Master Jinn. "I'm glad the negotiations will be starting soon. So much of politics is about waiting. I'm afraid patience is hardly one of my stronger suits."

"Yes, I've noticed that," Master Jinn says, a teasing note working its way into his tone. "I hope you haven't been a bad influence on your young colleague." He looks at me, and I can't help smiling at him.

"No more than you are on yours," Senator Antilles returns. I look at Ben with mild amusement. If anything, it's probably the other way around. But Ben's eyes are amused, too, and one of his eyebrows goes up a bit as he looks at Master Jinn. He says nothing, but a look passes between them that clearly means something. Senator Antilles laughs. I'll have to ask him what all that meant when I have a chance.

Ben changes the subject, focusing his attention on me. "Your Highness, I understand you haven't been on Coruscant for very long. Are you enjoying your stay here?"

"More than I imagined," I tell him. Our gazes lock, and I know he can hear what I'm implying by that. _More than I imagined, because of you._

"Have you had a chance to explore the Coruscant Botanical Gardens?" Ben asks. I see something in his eyes. It's not quite mischief, but he is definitely up to something. "There's an exhibit on Alderaani moss sculptures this season."

"Is there?" Master Jinn asks. His eyes are focused on Ben now, and somehow Ben doesn't wither under that intense look. Instead, Ben nods, and Master Jinn's eyebrows draw together slightly. Did Ben say something wrong? Did he speak out of turn? What does that look mean?

Senator Antilles slaps a hand on my shoulder. This nearly startles me, since he generally doesn't make such familiar demonstrations in front of others. "That's very observant of you, Padawan Kenobi. I'm sure Senator Organa would be very interested in viewing the moss sculptures. Perhaps you could find time to give him a tour?" Senator Antilles's hand tightens. Oh, he's _not_ doing this. Is he? Is my mentor attempting to set me up on a date with my own boyfriend?

"I'd be happy to," Ben says, and now his eyes _are_ sparkling. "You'll have to let me know when you're free."

"He's free tonight," Senator Antilles says, and I look up at him with raised eyebrows. This is getting absurd.

"Senator, it's getting a bit late for a tour of the Botanical Gardens..." I begin.

"Dinner, then," Ben proposes. I blink at him. "I can think of a number of places that are not to be missed while you're on Coruscant. We can discuss them over dinner."

I can't possibly back out now. The only person in the room not intent on getting me out on a date with Ben is Master Jinn, and even he looks amused at the proceedings. What's more, I don't want to back out. Imagine not needing to worry about being seen with him, having Senator Antilles on my side if my father decides my relationship with Ben is damaging my reputation. "Dinner sounds fine," I say, and Ben smiles at me.

And it's that simple. Jedi Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi and Prince Bail Organa, junior senator from Alderaan, are going out on a date, with a touch of prodding from Senator Bail Antilles. Why did he do that? I'll have to ask, later, but for now, I can't complain. I walk out of the Senate office with Ben at my side, and it's all I can do to keep from grinning like an idiot.

+++

For once, we have the option to have dinner anywhere we please. We don't have to worry about not being seen; we don't have to worry about whether the news is going to get back to Senator Antilles or Ben's master. I tell the taxi driver to take us to the Iridium Tower, one of the most decadent restaurants I've been to on Coruscant, and we're off.

"Alderaani moss sculptures," I grin at Ben. "That was clever. Did you think of that on the spur of the moment?"

"No, actually..." He sighs a bit. "I was serious. I'd be happy to take you, if you're interested."

I blink at him. "You mean there really _is_ an exhibit of Alderaani moss sculptures?"

"Yes." He smiles. "Would you like to go?"

"Are you a botanist in your spare time?" I ask, still trying to figure out how he knows about the exhibit.

He laughs and shakes his head at me. "I've been trying to figure out things to do with you other than the obvious. I thought if you're not interested in the moss sculptures, I could take you to the opera. A friend of mine tells me that there's an excellent version of _Leamara and Nareese_ at the Interstellar Opera House this month."

"You've been researching Alderaani operas?" I ask.

"Yes." A slow smile makes its way across his face.

"For me?"

"Why else?"

For me. He's been researching Alderaani operas for me, he went to the trouble of looking up an exhibit of moss sculptures -- I wasn't expecting this at all. "Ben," I murmur, touched beyond words. I lean in and kiss him, hoping to show him how pleased I am by all this. He holds me close, and I smile against his lips.

He pulls away and looks at me, sliding his fingers through my hair. "So you'd like to go?"

"Very much." I must be nearly glowing. "Perhaps you can call my office and ask my secretary to work you into my schedule." He could do that, now. Gods, what a day this has turned out to be! I nuzzle his shoulder.

"Your secretary. Larian, isn't it?"

I frown a bit. "When did you meet Larian?"

"The night you took me home for the first time. She was at Balikk's with you."

"Oh, yes." I nod against his shoulder. "Larian knows about you. Though Senator Antilles doesn't, and he seemed rather eager to send us off together."

"Yes, I wonder what that was all about?"

"I've been thinking about that myself." I squeeze his hand. "I think he may be trying to convince me that the Jedi aren't so bad. Apparently you're quite respectable for a padawan."

Ben snorts at that. "And why would he think you'd need convincing?" he teases.

I almost tell him. Almost. But before I can make up my mind to do it, he kisses me again. His lips are soft and gentle. Until now, it's been hard to believe that this is the same man who woke up in my bed this morning. With him kissing me like this, though... yes. I can believe it.

He stops and brushes his fingertips over my face. "I think this is going to be my favorite assignment yet," he tells me. I laugh.

We arrive at the restaurant, and the host notices us immediately, though he masks his surprise. "Senator Organa," he says. "I'm delighted to have you back with us." He glances at Ben but doesn't ask. "Right this way, please?"

He takes us to a relatively private table in the back of the room, and signals a wine steward to the table along with our waitress. Ben shakes his head, smiling. I order for both of us, as I've done whenever we've gone to Balikk's, and then drop my hand between us and put it over his, catching his fingers in mine.

"Force, this is nice," he breathes.

"I'm glad you like it," I tell him.

He shakes his head. "No, I mean... just being out with you. It's nice."

I feel myself melting a bit at that admission. "I'm glad you like it," I tell him again, and he smiles at me. He rubs his fingertips across my palm in tiny circles. I shift a bit. It's such a tiny movement for him, but it's making me want more. A hell of a lot more. I let out a breath and smile at him.

"So, Senator Organa, what do you propose we do _after_ dinner?" he asks.

"Well," I murmur, trying not to smirk. "If you're truly interested in learning more about Alderaani culture, perhaps I could show you my etchings."

"Your etchings?" he repeats.

"Yes, I have an impressive private collection of Alderaani etchings from the last thirty years or so. I'd be happy to show you my pieces. They have fascinating histories..."

He raises an eyebrow. "I don't recall seeing any etchings at your apartment."

I grin. "Would you like to?" He looks confused. I keep teasing him, letting out a slightly melodramatic sigh. "I'm sorry. I have no experience in asking someone to come home with me on the first date."

"Bail, our first date was months ago."

"Ben and Gana's first date was months ago. This is the first time Padawan Kenobi has been out with Prince Bail, and I intend to enjoy every minute of it."

He laughs and shakes his head. "I'll drink to that." He raises his wine glass, and I touch the rim of mine to it, and we both drink.

Dinner is outstanding, and Ben is almost oddly well-behaved. He doesn't try to kiss me or stroke my hair, and I don't have to keep him from groping me. When I run my fingertips up his leg, skimming up to his inner thigh, he catches my hand and holds it still, close to his knee. He seems almost shy, and while half of me finds it charming, the other half misses his hands on me. I lean close and murmur, "I had no idea you could be so reserved."

He lets out a breath. "I've never been out on a date like this before. Apart from the times I've been out with you, I've never been out on a date at all. I feel visible. Exposed."

"You're wearing more layers than I've ever seen on you in the clubs."

"We're not in the clubs."

I stare at him, and a slow smile works its way over my features. "You're nervous."

"I don't know what's expected of me."

I laugh, but I stop when I realize how pained his expression has become. "I understand," I tell him. Under the table, I thread my fingers through his, and he holds on to me. "It's all right."

"I'm sorry."

The newly hesitant Ben is growing on me -- because I want to seduce that hesitation out of him. I want to kiss him until he's growling and shoving me to my knees in front of him, or touch him until he spins me around and bends me over the nearest horizontal surface. The intensity of my desire startles me for a moment until I can get it under control. "Don't be sorry," I tell him. My voice comes out oddly hoarse. "This is a bit of a change for both of us."

He smiles. "You seem to be taking well to it."

"It's more my speed than yours, I think. I'm used to dates, and being stared at, and finding ways to misbehave while presenting an innocent picture to the public. You, on the other hand..." I slip my hand out from under his and slide it up to his inner thigh again, and this time he doesn't stop me. "It's really one or the other, isn't it?"

"Passion or serenity," he mumbles, and I can feel his erection against my palm. "Bail, I want -- can we go back to your place?"

"We haven't had dessert yet," I tease.

He looks at me, and his eyes are burning. "I don't need dessert. Do you?"

I smile at him. "No."

We leave the restaurant, and I start to head for the landing pads to get a taxi home, but he stops me. He tugs me behind the restaurant, over a skybridge that leads to a complex of office towers, towers that are deserted this time of night. On the other side of the skybridge, he presses me against the railing and kisses me, hard.

"Ben..." His hands are working at my pants, and I groan. "Ben, please, not here..."

"_Please,_" he says. "We're alone. No one's going to see, and I need you, need this -- don't make me wait."

I look around. We _are_ alone. I grin. Maybe it's the wine I had with dinner, but I'm tempted -- more than tempted. "Just this once," I tell him. "Don't get used to this."

He goes to his knees in front of me, and I throw my head back, crying out my pleasure for him. It's hard and fast, the way he likes it, and it matches this kind of illicit sex perfectly. I'm achingly hard and close within seconds. It doesn't take long; I come with a bitten-off half-scream, and Ben stands up, pressing his body to mine, kissing me hard. I kiss back, and I'm seeing stars, flashes of light, flashes--

\--wait a minute.

I break away, and there's a holojournalist not five meters from us, camera out and snapping pictures. He takes another picture when I notice him -- oh, my reaction's going to be worth something to his publishers -- and I push Ben away from me and get back into my clothes. Another flash. I glare at the holojournalist and stalk over to him.

"Senator Organa," he says, grinning. "Got a statement? Who's the Jedi trick?"

"Listen--"

"A padawan, huh? Cute. We've all been wondering who you've been seeing. Nobody's seen you in the clubs. Where'd you find this one?"

I force myself to stay calm, but I'm seething, and I think he's starting to notice. "This is one hell of an invasion of privacy," I tell him.

"Look, you're a public figure. The Iridium Tower is very careful about security, but you left, and--"

"How much do you want for them?"

He frowns. "What?"

"Your holos. How much do you want for them?"

"Are you kidding?" He laughs. "Listen, my editor would--"

"You're not that interested in Senator Organa."

The holojournalist's eyes glaze over. "I'm not that interested in Senator Organa," he parrots. I whirl around, and Ben is next to me.

"Ben, let me--"

He makes a vague gesture with one hand, still looking at the holojournalist. "You might as well delete those holographs."

The holojournalist pushes a few buttons on his camera. "Might as well delete these holos," he mumbles.

"Have a pleasant evening," Ben says.

That tone of voice -- _that_ tone of voice. Calm and low and forceful, insistent, compelling, a tone of voice that leaves you with no room to disagree or deny anything.

Gods. I've heard that tone of voice before.

I watch the holojournalist stumble away, and I stumble, too, pulling away from Ben and seeing a brown robe, cream tunics, a long braid -- _Aubris._

"Bail, it's all right," says the Jedi in front of me, _and I don't know who he is._

I reel backwards. He follows, eyes narrowed, and I keep walking backwards until my back is up against the railing. He grabs me by the wrists and pulls me forward, and I fight him.

"Bail! Force, calm down. It's all right. I got rid of him. Bail, please."

"_Don't touch me._ Let me go. Let go of me!" My back hits the railing hard and I nearly lose my balance, nearly manage to pull away from him. Almost. I struggle harder.

He shakes me, stares into my eyes. "_Calm down_," he says, and I do, instantly. He pulls me into his arms, and I can feel him trembling.

"It's all right. I'm here."

Instantly. Calmed down instantly. When he told me to.

I shove away from him and walk, nearly run, back across the skybridge. I hear his footsteps behind me, and I don't look back. I run back to the landing pads in front of the restaurant and signal for a taxi.

He puts a hand on my shoulder, and I jerk away from him. "Bail?" he asks. His voice isn't calm anymore. "Bail, please, it's all right, it's fine. Tell me what's wrong."

I snap my jaws shut. I am not telling him _anything_. I keep that in my mind: _do not tell him anything. Remember that you decided this. That you weren't going to tell him anything. Remember._

"Bail--"

I get into a taxi, and he follows. I glare at him in disbelief, and he tells the driver my address.

"You're inviting yourself home with me?" I ask.

"Something happened. It's not just the holojournalist. What is it?"

"No," I tell him, and my voice is shaking.

He frowns. "Bail, please. _Tell me what's wrong._"

A hum at the edge of my consciousness has me wanting to tell him everything, tell him about Aubris, about the night Aubris left Alderaan, and I feel violently, desperately ill. I shake my head hard. "No," I whisper.

He reaches out for me, and there's nowhere to go. I close my eyes. I can feel myself starting to lose control, can feel my body starting to shake. My teeth are chattering. Blind, utter panic, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. He reaches out for me and pulls me into his arms, and I'm rigid, I don't want him touching me, but I can't get out of this taxi now, miles up, and I can't get out, oh, gods, can't get out--

_"Bail."_

"Don't," I manage, through chattering teeth. My voice shakes. "Don't say anything. Don't touch me. Let me go."

He lets me go, and I try desperately to pull myself together. Can't fall apart here, not like this. Can't panic this way. This is not an option. I have to get home, first, have to get away from him, have to calm down. _"Calm down."_ That's what he said, wasn't it? _"Calm down."_ I close my eyes and bury my face in my hands. Not again. Gods, not again. Please.

The taxi stops, and I barely have the presence of mind to scan my credit chip for the ride. I get out, and it's only habit, the number of times I've made this walk, that get me into my building and into my elevator. He's still following me. I can't even look at him. He won't go. Even if I ask him to go, he won't go, so I won't ask. I can't ask, because if I ask he'll wave his hand at me and he'll make me believe I wanted him to stay. Let him stay and it won't come to that. I'll let him stay.

Once we're in my apartment, he takes hold of my shoulders, and I flinch hard, but he doesn't let go. "Talk to me," he urges. His eyes are wide, panicked. "Please. What's going on?"

I take a deep breath. Can I choose not to tell him? Could I ask him to go now, without doing what he asks? I close my eyes. Yes. I could tell him to go. If I explain, it's because I'm choosing to explain, and not because he's forcing me. I open my eyes again and look at him. "_Calm down,_" I tell him.

He frowns. "I'm calm, Bail."

"No. When you said it. Earlier. And the holojournalist." I have to bite out every word through clenched teeth. He waits, and I pull myself together enough to continue. "The mind trick."

He looks bewildered. "What are you talking about?"

"You used the mind trick on the holojournalist," I tell him. "When he took the pictures."

That look of bewilderment is still written all over his face. "It was that or let him have pictures of the two of us fucking. Did you want that?"

"If it was that or have you _force_ him into changing his mind? I'd have let him have the pictures."

He makes a soft noise of disbelief. "After all the time you've spent trying to keep yourself out of the tabloids?"

"You should have let me handle it. I could have talked him into deleting the pictures."

"And how is that any different from what I did?" he asks. "My way was faster, more efficient, more certain."

"Because you _forced_ him." He really doesn't understand this. I close my eyes. Was this what Aubris thought of the mind trick? Is this what all Jedi think of the mind trick? "You took his choice away from him."

"He was taking your choice away from you," Ben replies. "What about your right to privacy?"

"I was letting my boyfriend fuck me on a skybridge!" I shout. "Whether I like it or not, the man had a point -- I'm a public figure, and we were out in the open!"

"Bail, you're overreacting--"

"_You_ overreacted! He was just a holojournalist, and you decided that because he took pictures of us in public, he was no longer entitled to the sanctity of his thoughts! You stripped him of his free will, of his ability to choose, of his freedom to think and act as he saw fit. He wasn't threatening us, Ben. He wasn't threatening our lives or our safety. It would have been uncomfortable for me, yes, and gods only know what I'd tell my father when his spies got back to him with those holos, but I knew the risks when I gave in and let you suck me off in public."

Now he's angry; something I said has gotten through his control. "And he knew the risks when he took our picture. You think he didn't know what I was? Look at me, for fuck's sake; I'm in my tunics, I'm wearing my lightsaber. He blindsided a Jedi. You think he didn't realize I could _tell_ him to get rid of the holos? Of course he knew. He took a risk, and he went home empty-handed. No one got hurt, Bail."

"How can you say that?" I ask, and my voice splinters. "How can you possibly believe that? Do you know what it's like to have someone alter your thoughts? Do you know what it's like to have someone _force_ you to change your mind?" I press the heels of my hands into my eyes. "Do you know what it's like for me knowing you forced _me_ to change my mind?"

He goes completely silent for a few seconds. "That's different."

"Ben, please--"

"Bail, it was different. You were half-hysterical, and you were stumbling around four hundred stories above the ground." He takes my arms, and I can feel his hands shaking. "Do you know what could have happened?"

I look at him, and his eyes are wide with fear. "I don't remember," I whisper.

"Force, Bail, I remember every second. I was afraid you'd..." He closes his eyes. "Maybe what I did with the holojournalist wasn't necessary, but if I'd let you jerk away from me like that, up there..."

"You promised," I whisper. He looks at me, confused. "You _promised_ me you'd never use the mind trick on me."

"Even if I think your life is at stake?" I have no answer for that. He lets me go and turns on his heel, pacing a few steps away and turning back. "Bail, do you understand what Force suggestion is? How it works?"

"Oh, yes," I tell him, and my voice is so bitter it hurts me to hear it. "I know how it works."

"Do you?" His eyes are sharp on me. "I can't simply tell anyone to do anything I want. It works on the weak-minded, on people who are already susceptible to the suggestion."

"The _weak-minded_?" I repeat. "Is that what you think I am?"

"No, of course not," he says, impatience creeping into his voice. "I'm saying you were amenable to the suggestion."

"I was--?" Blind fury, and I'm shaking all over again. "You can mind-rape me and it's all right because _I was amenable to the suggestion_?"

"Mind-rape?" Ben looks shocked. "Bail, what are you talking about?"

"People's minds are not toys, Ben. They're not something to be broken and rebuilt as you see fit. You can't just go around changing them and then justify what you've done by saying they didn't _really_ mind. It's rape, Ben -- of the soul, if not the body."

"That's ridiculous," he says. "All I asked you to do was calm down."

"Taking away someone's free will is a violation, no matter how large or small the issue." I close my eyes. "Using the Force because you thought my life was at stake -- gods, I wish you hadn't done that to me, but yes, I can see the justification for that. But using the Force when someone annoys you, or people are simply trying to make their way in the universe and you don't happen to agree with them -- it's _not_ ridiculous. It's terrifying. And realizing later what's happened to you -- gods, Ben. You have no idea."

He is silent for a long, terrifying moment. Then his brow furrows, and he reaches out for me. He stops just short of touching me, and takes a step back. "And you do," he says. "You _do_ know what it's like to have someone use Force-suggestion on you."

Gods, I didn't want to tell him this way. I wasn't ready.

I was never going to be ready, was I?

I nod. His jaw clenches, but then he forces himself to relax. "Tell me."

"What's there to tell? You've figured it out already, haven't you? I got involved with a padawan on Alderaan about five years ago. I have no way of knowing how much of our relationship was real, how much he pushed me into, what I chose to give him and what he took from me against my will. I don't know. I'll never know." I let out a breath. "I know the day he left, I asked him to stay. He laughed at me and told me padawans can't form attachments. That it was all about sex. I was shocked, and I was furious. I started to walk away. He stopped me. He said 'You don't really want to leave without kissing me goodbye, do you?' I did, of course, and then suddenly I didn't."

"Oh, Force, Bail, I'm sorry."

The words are spilling out now, this story that I've never told anyone, and I can't seem to stop. "We made love all afternoon. There were a few times I thought about leaving, that I got up to go, that I was so furious with myself for staying there I thought I was going to be ill. And yet I stayed, and I wondered why I'd even thought about leaving, when I wanted him so badly. He'd touch me, and tell me to stay a little longer, and I stayed, and the way he made me feel -- after the moment passed and I wasn't trying to go anymore, I felt loved, and cherished. And then I'd come to my senses, and I'd realize it was all a lie. So I'd try to go, and it would start all over."

He reaches for me again, and I flinch away. It's too much. The memory of Aubris's hands on me, the way I wanted him more than I wanted to take my next breath, the way I hated him more than I could bear -- I'm drowning in it, all of it, and it's choking me. "You were probably right, you know," I tell him. "When you said that it only works on people who are susceptible to the suggestion. I _did_ want him. I was in love with him. I'd never felt that way about anyone. I loved him, and I wanted him, and it probably didn't take much to push me into making love to him that last day."

"I shouldn't have said that," Ben whispers. "I'm sorry."

"Is it true?"

Ben hesitates. "It's what we're taught. We're told to use discretion. But what he did to you -- there's no way anyone could justify it."

My laugh is bitter, broken. "Clearly he disagreed."

"Tell me his name. What Temple was he from?"

I shake my head. "No, please."

"Bail, he _did_ use the Force to hurt you. That's unacceptable. Tell me who he is and I can take it to the Council."

"_No._" I shake my head again, this time more firmly. "It's over. It's buried. Let it go."

He tries to wrap his arms around me, and again I back away. "What do you want me to do?" he asks. No suggestion there, no demands. He's asking, not telling.

"I want you to promise you won't use the Force against me again."

He struggles for words. "I can promise you I will never use the Force to hurt you. But if your life is at stake -- no. I can't make that promise."

I close my eyes. It's not what I wanted to hear, but I think I'd rather have his honesty now. I nod. "All right."

I open my eyes, come forward, cup his face in my hands. He lets his eyes close, and I can feel the tension leaking out of him now that I'm touching him. He isn't watching me, isn't having his eyes drill into mine. He isn't saying a word. I can kiss him, now, if I want, and it will be my choice. I bend down and kiss him, very softly, and he lets me lead, lets me control the pace. It is soft and gentle and slow, and it may be the best kiss I've ever had. I pull away and wait for him to look at me.

His eyes are shining, and I feel my chest twist. I didn't expect him to behave this way. I didn't expect to be able to see how hurt he is. I know he's hurting. I know he's sorry. I want to trust him so badly. I can feel myself falling for him, and I know if I'm going to have a chance in hell of keeping my heart, I have to tell him to go. Now.

"Ben... I'd like you to leave."

His eyes close, and he swallows. It's a few seconds before he can open his eyes and look up at me. "And then what?" he asks.

"I don't know."

"_Fuck,_" he whispers, eyes closing again. He takes a step back. "Bail, I..." He stops again. "Is this it, then? Are we through?"

"I don't know. I need more time. I need to think."

He looks up at me, and he takes my hand and holds it to his chest. "All right," he says. He kisses my hand, and lets me go.

I close my eyes while he walks away from me, and don't open them until after I hear the door close behind him. How could I tell him that I wanted him to go because I'm falling in love with him? What am I going to do now?

_-end-_


End file.
